Destroyed in Love

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Have you ever been deeply, madly, and hopelessly in love? The kind of love that changes you for good, makes you smile for no reason, and compels you to thank God every single day of your life.

While it’s nothing less than a god’s gift to love or have been loved like that, it’s also completely devastating to lose that love.

It tosses you on the rocks, sucks the energy out of you, deprives you of all the happiness you knew, and leaves you indifferent to people and life. It does not even come with a guarantee of a road to recovery. And, why would you choose to tread the path of recovery when the memories are so beautiful that you can’t let go of them either. After all isn’t it all that you’re left with? Hanging on to them seems like a life-saving option.

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Everyone has an opinion on your state of mind and some free advice (which I do appreciate btw). But, seriously how is one supposed to deal with –

  • Being called his ‘friend’ when it meant so much more once?
  • Seeing him talk to people while you wait for his time thinking back to times where every word you said meant so much more to him?
  • Seeing the person walking around but not being able to hold his hand?
  • Waiting for a response to your message not knowing if you would even get one?
  • Not being able to call him when you so desperately want to share something and know no one else would get it they way he would have?
  • Knowing his time is not yours anymore?
  • Knowing he is probably speaking to someone else at this very moment?
  • Realizing the wedding you wanted is happening but you’re not a part of it?

How is one supposed to deal with all this and still walk around smiling like everything’s alright?

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At times, I do stare at the ceiling fan a little too long, hold the knife a little too carelessly, cross the street a little too slowly, but then I feel isn’t doing just about anything better than being dead? Like quitting your job to travel, Starting life all over again doing something you absolutely love, or you know just quitting on everything and going to the mountains!

This powerful thought has kept me going for a long time now and of course the hope of realizing my dream of backpacking across the world one day!

P.S: While it’s maddening to deal with this every day, I wouldn’t trade falling in love with anything else in the world. It was and still is my most precious gift!

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4 thoughts on “Destroyed in Love

  1. I stumbled on to your blog and this post made me choke. Being shattered by Love is very painful. Beyond words even. Once you are deprived of seeing sunsets together,the lonely nights, the longing for companionship is more cruel a burden than anybody can carry. I have experienced such pain, and despite it being a long time ago, despite holding myself up and going ahead and falling in Love again, there are moments I looked back at and the pain still feels real. Not the feelings towards the person, but just the reality of the pain I once experienced.
    But, I digress. I fell in love again. Unexpectedly. This time, I didn’t let go. So I triumphed in Love, or so I am deemed to think. As a person who married the one who married the love of his life, I expect love to stay forever. But I have come to realise that it somehow doesn’t. Our texts that were once oozing with love are now replaced by grocery lists. Our conversations circle around chores , happenings at office. Our weekends are filled with family and friends and we smile and go about. I cannot imagine my life without her. But at the same time, I would be foolish to say that I am as madly in love with her or she is as madly in love with me as we once were. We both know in the bottom of our hearts that something has changed.
    I know I am not making much sense, but no matter what a person does, Love leaves. And sometimes, it leaves you with a person you once loved and you are just left to nurse each other’s wounds.

    Take care girl. I wish you the best.

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    1. Thank you so much for writing in.
      Yes, the pain is so real even after months that it makes me wonder if it will ever go away and that’s what is worrying.
      Doesn’t it always happen? The kind of love we know changes but I guess what’s more important is that none of the two give up on each other.
      The fact that both the people stick around to help and as you said ‘nurse each other’s wound’ itself shows that love doesn’t leave. It stays in one form or the other. All one needs is some commitment and Respect for other person’s time.
      Every word you wrote made sense and I want to thank you again for it!

      Like

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